The Leader of the Clan Went Home

I've written this blog over and over, never being able to explain this past month, or make an outline for it's contents. So please excuse how scattered it will be.

This past weekend, September 10, my grandfather died, due to an aggressive type of cancer. In the words of my aunt, "Cancer sucks big time". It does. The Saturday before, myself, the California Brennan's and the out of state Brennan's; Indiana, Hawaii, and Texas went to Roseville/Lincoln and took over the Marriott Hotel. We all went to my Grandpa's house and had said our goodbyes. Except I didn't know what to say, let alone would I be able to breath enough and get the tightening knots out of my throat to say them. I wasn't suppose to have my "appointment time" until Monday...  this was two whole days early!


I asked friends who'd gone through similar situations, about how to say goodbye in the weeks before, because I continued to draw blanks. I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted to sit with him and hold his hand or have us both fall asleep while watching a movie about what the earth was like 4 billion years ago... like old times. 

When I was in 6th grade I was set up with a counselor in school to help me deal with the passing of my father. I remember we read a book together, and ever since I went in to say my goodbye, it's all I've been able to think about.

The book was called The Fall of Freddy the Leaf and it followed the life of a leaf on a tree in a park. The following is an excerpt from the book. It's a little long, but please read it all. (Freddie and Daniel are both leaves)

"What's happening?" they asked each other in whispers.
"It's what happens in Fall," Daniel told them. "It's the time for leaves to change their home. Some people call it to die."
"Will we all die?" Freddie asked.
"Yes," Daniel answered. "Everything dies. No matter how big or small, how weak or strong. We first do our job. We experience the sun and the moon, the wind and the rain. We learn to dance and to laugh. Then we die."
"I won't die!" said Freddie with determination. "Will you, Daniel?"
"Yes," answered Daniel, "when it's my time."
"When is that?" asked Freddie.
"No one knows for sure," Daniel responded.
Freddie noticed that the other leaves continued to fall. He thought, "It must be their time." He saw that some of the leaves lashed back at the wind before they fell, others simply let go and dropped quietly. Soon the tree was almost bare.
"I'm afraid to die," Freddie told Daniel. "I don't know what's down there."
"We all fear what we don't know, Freddie. It's natural," Daniel reassured him. "Yet, you were not afraid when Summer became Fall. They were natural changes. Why should you be afraid of the season of death?"
"Does the tree die, too?" Freddie asked.
"Someday. But there is something stronger than the tree. It is Life. That lasts forever and we are all a part of Life."
"Where will we go when we die?"
"No one knows for sure. That's the great mystery!"
"Will we return in the Spring?"
"We may not, but Life will."
"Then what has been the reason for all of this?" Freddie continued to question. "Why were we here at all if we only have to fall and die?"
Daniel answered in his matter-of-fact way, "It's been about the sun and the moon. It's been about happy times together. It's been about the shade and the old people and the children. It's been about colors in Fall. It's been about seasons. Isn't that enough?"

And it has been enough. I have memories and stories that I will cherish. I have mental pictures and pictures that I'll be able to look upon fondly. I know he wasn't scared. During my last visit, I asked him if he was and he, being quite humorous, asked me, "Why, do I look like I'm shaking?". . . he reminded me that it was normal, and that he's lived a good life, and has such a wonderful family. He retold me a few stories about my dad, and told me how much I reminded him of him. I can just imagine the reunion going on in Heaven with him and my grandma, my dad, and my brother.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-7
¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:  ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,